Chapter 20: Continue

Just two months. Yet, in those two months, my life had transformed in ways I never could’ve imagined.

The closing ceremony day arrived—no classes, just a quick trip to school to pick up our report cards. Behind my seat, as always, the intellectual gyarus were in full swing, flaunting their report cards adorned with excellent grades. Their uniforms, predictably, were a rebellion in themselves—skirts hiked up to the edge of indecency, buttons undone to reveal more than necessary. And yet, their academic prowess was undeniable. It was a sharp reminder not to judge by appearances alone. People aren’t defined by looks, I chided myself, reflecting quietly.

For the intellectual gyarus, even though their grades are wonderful, talking about scores and such must be a boring topic. Soon, it shifted to chit-chat time. When it came to confirming summer vacation plans, excited squeals started rising.

“So, Mashiro! July’s for Shibuya and Harajuku, and August is all about the beach! No bailing last minute, got it?”

From the surroundings, too, “Absolute musts!” they emphasized. Mashiro must be notorious for her sudden cancellations, I figured. But with our plans, it’ll be fine, right…? Well, whatever. It’s probably a timing issue.

Toudou’s voice carried a hint of unease as she responded, “I know, sorry for always flaking. No lessons overlapping this time, so it’s definitely happening. Beach included.”

One of the gyarus let out a gleeful cheer. “Yay! We get to see Mashiro naked~!”

“H-Huh?! Hey! Don’t say weird stuff like that!”

“Eh, but it’s true… I wanna see…”

“Cut it out already.”

“Whoa! Hey! Don’t get actually mad~!”

Gyarus, without fail, were a noisy bunch. Did they ever stop to breathe? I wondered, half-amused. Toudou’s demeanor hadn’t changed much, but there was a subtle shift in her tone—nothing negative, just… different.

“Ah, hold on. Gotta check my phone,” Toudou said suddenly.

I didn’t know what she was up to—naturally, since I’d been piecing together the scene behind me purely through sound. Not creepy, just… observant.

These past few days, things had shifted between Toudou and me. Not dramatically, but enough to matter. Still, in class, I was the same lone figure glued to my phone. Toudou wasn’t just a friend, after all—strictly speaking, she was a comrade, bound by a shared goal. Thinking about it, this wasn’t my first time in such a dynamic. Real-life friends and those I’d met online before connecting offline felt like entirely different categories.

My phone buzzed softly.

“…?”

A LIME notification from Toudou.

…A message even though she’s right behind me? What if we get caught?

Toudou’s behavior had shifted subtly. She’d never done this before—texting so sneakily, so close. My phone buzzed with her rapid-fire messages, as if she’d mulled it over before unleashing them all at once.

Mashiro: Hey
Mashiro: Can I come over after school today to game?
Mashiro: Starting tomorrow, I’ll work hard on lessons!

I glanced at the screen, then typed a quick reply.

You: Well, if it’s for that, I think it’s no problem. Akane was saying she wanted to play together too.

Mashiro: Awesome! We can team up as three! Super looking forward to it.

Toudou slipped her phone away, her movements casual but deliberate. Then, as if on cue, a voice cut through the air.

“Hey, hey, Mashiro! Let’s stop by a café today.”

“Ah, sorry. Got prior plans, can’t.”

“Ehh? Haven’t you been kinda standoffish lately?”

“Eh—ah, well…” Toudou’s reply stumbled, awkward and halting.

Then, like a spark igniting tinder, someone dropped a bombshell.

“You didn’t get a boyfriend or something, did you?”

“Eh?” Toudou faltered, her voice catching.

The room didn’t let it slide. Voices overlapped, relentless.

“Mashiro with a boyfriend? No way that’d happen!”

“Don’t say weird things. Right, Mashiro? No boyfriend or anything, right?”

“Anyway, no guy out there matches up to Mashiro.”

Three reactions, all circling the same conclusion.

“…Ah, yeah. No, no. No way I’d have one.”

Toudou’s response was weak, her usual poise crumbling. Where was the confidence from that commercial she’d nailed? Her hesitation only fanned the flames.

“Hey!? What was that pause!? You’re hiding something!” one girl pressed, her tone half-teasing, half-accusing.

“I-I’m not hiding anything! I don’t have a boyfriend, okay!”

“…Boyfriend? What’s with the ‘ha’? Mashirooo!”

[T/N: The “ha” (は) in Mashiro’s 「彼氏は」 (kareshi wa, “boyfriend”) catches attention due to her hesitant tone and pause, which sound evasive in Japanese.]

The persistence was relentless, like someone clinging to her leg. The room buzzed with chaotic energy, amplified by the looming summer break. No one seemed to care—except me. My attention was glued to the scene.

No boyfriend, huh? I thought, a mix of relief and indifference washing over me. Good. Don’t need some jealous guy causing trouble. Not that it matters. No deeper meaning here.

Toudou arrived at my place, just as she’d promised. It felt like ages since her last visit, though I couldn’t quite pin down why.

She wasn’t in her uniform—probably a deliberate choice, like she was trying to go incognito. Must’ve changed into casual clothes somewhere along the way. But honestly, that radiant aura of hers? No amount of plain jeans and a hoodie could dim it. The disguise was pointless.

Suddenly, a stray thought hit me: if Toudou’s fame skyrockets someday, I’ll have to worry about shady tabloid photographers staking out our house, snapping shots of her coming and going. Am I overthinking this? Probably. But if it ever came to that, could I really stand tall and declare, “Toudou’s my gaming buddy”? Sounds like a headache waiting to happen. Pointless worry, for now.

Her arrival lit up our quiet sibling household in an instant—visually, mentally, the whole deal. Even Akane, who plays the prim-and-proper card at her fancy girls’ school, broke into a beaming smile. She even tossed out a rare compliment about me, all proud-like.

“You sick or something?” I teased.

Her response was a swift cat-punch to my arm.

Today, the three of us spent a few hours gaming together. My throat parched, I stepped out alone to grab drinks. Akane, ever the diligent one, had already retreated to her room to study. With her nighttime streaming schedule, she always wraps up her work early—a trait that hardly seems like it belongs to my blood-related sister.

I pushed open my room’s door, balancing drinks for two, only to catch Toudou’s back as she jolted in surprise, facing away from the entrance.

“Wah!”

“Toudou, what are you doing?” I asked, my tone flat with suspicion.

“Ehehe…” She turned slowly, wearing that mischievous grin she sometimes flashed, like a kid caught red-handed.

“Looking at this,” she said, holding up something with a playful glint in her eye.

“Ah, the album again!?” I groaned, exasperation creeping in. “I told you not to look!”

“I’ve already seen it all~” she teased, her voice lilting with mock innocence.

“Don’t give me that ‘all~’! Give it back!” I reached out, but with a drink in one hand, my movements were clumsy, sluggish.

Toudou dodged effortlessly, clutching the album and thrusting it toward me, not to return it, but to wave it in my face. “Before I give this back, I wanna ask a bunch of things.”

“Eh? You’ll return it?” I raised an eyebrow.

“The others too.”

“Others, hey…” My voice trailed off as I noticed, to my horror, that it wasn’t just the graduation album. Photo albums from my childhood onward were strewn across the bed, pages flipped open, evidence of Toudou’s rapid snooping. In such a short time, she’d dug through way too much.

“So, tell me!” Toudou squatted, picking up one of the albums at her feet. Her slender, pale fingers pointed to a photo of me as a kid. “This kid with the mean eyes is Kuroki-kun, right? I can tell right away. ’Cause of the mean eyes.”

“Don’t say it twice,” I muttered, irritation flaring. “I was born that way.”

“And this girl who’s kissing Kuroki-kun—who is she? Why is she kissing you?”

“Haa? No way—” I leaned in, squinting at the photo. Sure enough, there it was: a girl kissing my cheek. “She is kissing me, huh.”

I had no memory of it, which was probably to be expected. “About three years old, right? No way I’d remember the situation… This girl is, uh, a childhood friend. From when we lived somewhere else. This house belonged to Gramps.”

Toudou, for some reason, stared at the photo intently, like a fortune teller peering into the future. “You have a childhood friend…” she murmured, her voice oddly soft.

“Everyone has that much,” I said, shrugging.

“I don’t…” Her tone turned gloomy, almost wistful.

What’s with the “don’t”? I didn’t get what she meant, and the sudden shift in her mood left me at a loss. Before I could dwell on it, Toudou picked up another album, pointing to yet another photo with renewed energy.

“Hey? There’s this photo that looks like it’s from elementary school.”

“Yeah, it’s not ‘looks like,’ it is from elementary school,” I corrected, bracing myself.

“This! This photo right here!” Her enthusiasm was almost overwhelming, her finger jabbing at the page.

“Okay, okay,” I said, trying to keep up with her intensity. Toudou’s energy was kind of scary, but I wasn’t about to admit that out loud.

“No matter which photo I look at, there’s always this girl gripping the hem of Kuroki-kun’s shirt! Who is she!? Her hair is silver and all sparkly, and she’s super cute! You wouldn’t even find a model like her…! She’s like a doll or something!”

The photo showed a fair-skinned girl, her ash-blonde hair shimmering, her blue eyes striking even in the faded image. She was leaning in close, her nine-head proportions making her look almost otherworldly, like some kind of perfect doll whispering something to me while clutching my shirt.

“Don’t talk about it like it’s someone else’s business… You’re the one with doll-like features…” I blinked, still reeling from my slip-up.

Oh, crap. I’d let “you” slip out so casually. Bracing for her to snap, I watched as Toudou carefully set the album aside, a smile playing on her lips.

“Hah, don’t say embarrassing things. Who are you calling doll-like, cute, and pretty? Kuroki-kun, you really say too much.”

“I didn’t go that far…” I hadn’t said all that, had I?

Whack! Her hand came down hard on my shoulder, the sting sharp enough to make me wince. “Geez, I hate it when you say stuff like that with a straight face. That’s one of Kuroki-kun’s weird traits.”

She kept whacking me, each hit threatening to dislodge my shoulder. Still, the moment stirred something nostalgic. Back in elementary school, that classmate I’d had a fleeting connection with…

“Back then, there were some circumstances, she kinda relied on me, or like, hid in my shadow as a transfer student. I think she came to Japan from overseas, but her dad was Japanese. Her mom was incredibly beautiful.”

Her silver hair had been long and silky, her scent pleasant. Her eyes, vivid like Toudou’s, were green, if I recalled correctly. Man, it was nostalgic.

“Hmm… Oh, I see…” Toudou’s tone shifted, less angry now, more sulky. “She relied on you, huh. Beautiful mom, huh.” Her cheeks puffed out, making her look like a petulant little girl. “You’re staring off into the distance, Kuroki-kun. Wanna see that mom again?”

“N-No, not really…”

I had no idea how to handle girls. A total beginner, and here Toudou was, dragging me straight into a boss fight. As I hesitated, her puffed cheeks deflated like a punctured balloon. “You can do it, Mashiro,” she muttered under her breath, maybe some kind of personal good-luck charm. Then she grabbed another album.

“Okay, Kuroki-kun. This one from middle school.”

“How long is this gonna go on?”

“Can we wrap this up soon…?”

Toudou’s eyes glinted with determination, like she couldn’t back down. “J-Just this last one.”

“Fine…”

“This girl,” she said, pointing at a photo, “she doesn’t look particularly friendly at first glance, but she’s in a ton of photos with you. Black hair, quiet, like a Japanese doll in her purity… And her figure’s great. She seems short, but her chest is just amazing…”

Since it was from middle school, the memories were still fresh, though explaining her was complicated. “To put it simply, she’s someone I ended up in a rotten connection with by circumstance,” I said. “Or like, I was just helping her out on my own. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“Helping… From you?”

“Yeah, from me.”

“Does that even happen…?”

I frowned. Did I really seem that questionable? “It was a one-time whim,” I added, brushing it off. “More than that, I haven’t seen her once since graduation.”

Toudou’s face lit up, her mood shifting inexplicably. “Oh—really! You haven’t seen her!”

Her sudden enthusiasm was baffling, and I gently pushed her back. “If we don’t stop soon, no more gaming. And I’ll kick you out of the room too.”

“Okaaaay, sorrrry,” she said, her smile unwavering. Nodding, she began obediently returning the albums to their shelf.

I watched her for a moment before sitting down, twisting the cap off my lightly carbonated juice and taking a sip. Once Toudou finished tidying the albums, she stood, placing a finger thoughtfully on her chin. “Hmm—?” she hummed, as if something new had caught her attention.

“Still, Kuroki-kun, you react way too much to these albums… Oh, maybe you’re hiding photos of me or something? That’s why you panic when someone looks at them.”

“Pfft!”

Carbonated water sprayed across the room as I choked on my drink.

Toudou’s eyes widened, gleaming with mischief. “Huh? No way. You really are hiding them?”

“I’m not hiding anything!”

“…So you’re keeping them out in the open?”

“I-I don’t have any!”

Sure, I had some CM images of her saved on my computer, but those weren’t photos, so it wasn’t a lie. They were safely tucked away behind a password, impossible to find. And those rare gravure shots from when she’d gotten a bit famous in commercials? Hidden too. The ones with the dress and the swimsuit. The magazine they were in had been priced like it was made of gold, so I’d passed on it.

Toudou’s lips curled into a sly smile. “Oh my? Something’s suspicious. Could it be you’re interested in me?”

“Shut up,” I grumbled, desperate to change the subject. “We’re gaming, right? Hurry up, grab the mouse, put on the headphones, face forward, and point your gun at the enemy.”

“Kuroki-kun, you’re scaaary, Mashiro’s heart is pounding.”

“Ugh… This girl…”

“Ahaha!” Toudou’s laugh rang out as she plopped into the chair, clearly amused, her hand resting on the mouse.

What noisy days these were. With summer break just around the corner, we had plans to go shopping for swimsuits, followed by a trip to the beach, apparently. If this was what youth was supposed to be, it was still way too much for me to handle.

Through the headphones, Toudou seemed to be muttering something, but her words were too faint to catch clearly.

(Checking the albums was a good idea… So Kuroki-kun is that type after all… Lots of rivals, huh…? We finally got close, but if he gets a girlfriend, we can’t hang out… I might need to step up my game… Maybe go with a bikini for the swimsuit after all… But I don’t want other guys seeing me…)

Was she muttering game strategies? Or asking me something? I pulled out my in-ear headphones and turned to her. “Did you say something?”

“Huh? Oh, no, nothing at all, nothing! Come on, game, game. Tomorrow’s lessons are tough, so I decided to have lots of fun today.”

“Yeah, give it your best out there. If you wanna game, just come over. If I can, I’ll do anything.”

Toudou’s head whipped toward me at lightning speed, her eyes gleaming. “Huh? You’ll do anything? Really anything?”

“…Now I’m scared, so not anything,” I backtracked, half-expecting her to demand I jump into lava or something.

“Aw, too bad,” she said, her lips curling into a playful pout.

I’d teased a bit too much, so I added, “But helping you is for real.”

Toudou and I weren’t friends, not exactly. Comrades, though—walking the same path, side by side. That feeling must’ve gotten through, because her face lit up with that same dazzling smile she flashed in her commercials. It was like stepping into a TV screen, except this was real. A special expression, just for me.

“Thanks. As expected of Kuroki-kun. You’re a reliable comrade.”

That smile of hers was beautiful, cute, somehow daring, and undeniably a little devilish.

The night has settled in, and I’m not doing much—just rolling around on my bed, aimlessly scrolling through my phone, letting time slip away. A glance at the clock tells me it’s already late, the hours creeping by unnoticed. Maybe it’s the thoughts swirling in my head, or maybe it’s something else, but sleep refuses to come.

I set my phone down beside the pillow, sprawl out, and shut my eyes. My mind drifts back to the farewell scene from earlier today.

At the entrance, Toudou slips on her stylish sneakers, her back to me as she presses her hair down with both hands, smoothing it into place. Slowly, she turns around, her hair fanning out softly, carrying a sweet scent that brushes against my senses.

“Kuroki-kun, thanks for today. Um… I’m heading home now, okay? I can’t come tomorrow, but you’ll hang out with me again, right? No need to walk me out, really. So… bye-bye.” Her small wave lingers in the air, tinged with a reluctance that I can’t help but wonder if I’m imagining.

Objectively speaking, anyone would find Toudou impossibly cute—like calling a puppy “cute” without a second thought, my mind naturally declares, “Toudou’s cute.” It’s just who she is, born with that effortless charm. Yet, sometimes, she reveals a sudden, mature beauty that catches me off guard, making her feel like some unattainable, higher being to someone like me.

I can’t quite recall what I mumbled back when we parted—probably a vague “Yeah” or “Uh-huh,” half-hearted at best. Did it sound dismissive? Did Toudou notice and take offense? I was so lost in my head that I barely registered my own words.

A nagging thought has been swirling in my mind for days, and tonight it finally surfaces with clarity: am I okay staying like this? The doubt gnaws at me. Even though Toudou and I game together, it feels like she’s moving forward, leaving me behind. It’s unsettling…

Until now, I’ve leaned on self-deprecation as a shield, a way to blend into the background and avoid standing out. But that was never about others—it was just me protecting myself, dodging any real connection, stubbornly guarding my own space.

I thought I was handling things smoothly, but in truth, I was only fooling myself to avoid getting hurt. Toudou’s straightforward smile cut through that fog, exposing how pathetic I’ve been. And so, I’ve made up my mind. Even if it’s just a small step, I’ll change. No—I have to change. For Toudou, who sees me as a “gaming buddy,” I owe it to her to be sincere. I can’t let this chance slip away. If I don’t, I fear one day I won’t be able to speak to her from the heart.

In my memory, Toudou pulls her disguise hat low, her figure vanishing beyond the door.

“Alright…!” I mutter to myself, resolve sparking to life. I’ve decided, I need to act fast. My eyes snap open, and I grab my phone. If I want to level up with Toudou, we need to move together, gain experience side by side—like in an RPG.

“First, a LIME message…” It’s the only way I know to reach her. A fleeting, childish thought crosses my mind—wishing for something as simple as a party recruitment board—and I mentally scold myself for it.

But when I really think about it, even contacting her feels daunting. We were just playing games together, yet starting a conversation on my own feels like a whole different challenge. She’s always the one to reach out first. This might be the first time I’m taking the initiative. I’ve been coasting, pretending I was properly connecting with Toudou, when in reality, I haven’t done a thing.

The decision was made in an instant, but acting on it proved far more daunting than I’d expected.

How many times had I tapped the smartphone screen? Glancing at the time, I realized it was already past three in the morning.

“Finally finished…”

I’d written and deleted the message countless times. No matter how many times I reread it, it still felt awkward, almost creepy—but it was the best I could manage to pour my feelings into. That strange, late-night energy had my brain buzzing with a mix of excitement and nerves.

“Here goes… Sending it!”

Only after tapping the screen did the realization hit me like a bolt.

“Ahh! Sending this in the middle of the night is just going to be a nuisance! Cancel it—oh no, it’s too late! What am I doing?!”

Uwaaah. I clutched my head, practically rolling around in regret. Why do I always think only of myself?

From beyond the door, Akane’s voice rang out, brimming with an almost unnatural energy for this hour. “Nii-nii, you’ve been noisy for a while now. You’re gonna bother the neighbors, so stay!”

“Sorry…”

I’m not a dog, I thought, but I froze in place and apologized anyway. What a pathetic habit.

At that moment, my smartphone slipped from my hand. The screen still displayed the LIME message to Toudou—an unread message that couldn’t possibly have been seen yet. It read:

You: So, about buying swimsuits, right? When should we go?

A single line, born from hours of effort, infused with every ounce of my soul.

If you’ve got something to say, just say it, I scolded myself. Easier said than done. This was, unfortunately, the best I could manage.

The read receipt and reply came the next day, at an unexpectedly early hour in the morning.

Mashiro: Let’s go right away! Tomorrow! Eleven at Nanaho Station! Late fine!

Even Toudou’s message had a typo, which somehow put me at ease. But then it sank in—did she mean she’d fine me if I was late? A shiver of terror ran through me.