──So close…
The first day of finals.
As usual, classes ended by noon, so just like on holidays, I met up with Hino Hana at the community center for practice.
Maybe because summer was approaching, it was still bright out even in the late afternoon.
I wasn’t sure if it was due to the rising temperature outside, but even in this air-conditioned room, I felt more fatigued than usual.
I’d taken off my undershirt and was sitting on a cushion with a chilled plastic bottle in hand, taking a break, when Hino Hana bent her knees and squatted right beside me.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Hey, doesn’t it feel hot being this close…?”
“Not really.”
Even as she said that, Hino Hana stared intently at my profile.
“…Can I take a picture?”
“Huh…? Why?”
“Because I want one.”
Before I could even say it was okay, Hino Hana had her smartphone ready. The shutter clicked a few times.
Feeling a bit uncomfortable, I watched as she seemed satisfied and started wiping my sweat with a highly absorbent towel.
“Ngh… I’ll do it myself.”
“Just rest. Want me to give you a massage?”
“N-No… I’m fine.”
Despite what I said, Hino Hana’s hands began roaming over my shoulders and around my waist.
Getting photographed shirtless and sweaty was embarrassing enough, but why was she touching my bare skin like this?
I hadn’t paid much attention before, but ever since she confessed her feelings, her gaze has been bothering me.
I knew why her stares and touches were getting to me, if I was being honest.
It didn’t bother me in itself, but I’d prefer it if she did this when I wasn’t all sweaty—for my mental health, at least.
“Himura.”
She whispered suddenly in my ear, making my shoulders jolt in surprise.
“What is it…?”
“How’d the test go?”
“Eh, so-so.”
“You could’ve asked me to help you study.”
“…………Huh? Oh…”
Now that she mentioned it, yeah.
Weekdays were tough with scheduling, so we hardly met unless it was days like this, but we saw each other almost every weekend.
Hino Hana was way smarter than me, at least. I wouldn’t want to study even during breaks like this, but maybe setting aside some time before practice would’ve been fine.
“…You should’ve said something sooner…”
“Um, sorry?”
“Nah, it’s fine. I didn’t think of it either, and I don’t want to waste our time together on studying anyway.”
“…………Then, want to use it more meaningfully?”
“Hey, you’re too close! What’re you planning?!”
“…Just kidding. I won’t do anything you’d hate.”
Since it’s Hino Hana, I don’t think I’d hate whatever she did. But if she’s holding back, that’s even better.
Still, I couldn’t help wondering what she had in mind.
Huddled together in the corner of the room, the wide space echoed only with the hum of the air conditioner, making it feel oddly empty.
Maybe it was the mirrors on the walls making the room look bigger.
She’d smiled faintly when she said it was a joke, but she didn’t change the distance, sticking right to my back.
Her small breaths brushed against the nape of my neck from behind.
Time passed quietly. But with Hino Hana behind me, my mind couldn’t settle for some reason.
“Hino Hana, how long are you planning to stay there?”
She didn’t respond when I called out. What was she thinking?
She stayed pressed against my bare back for a while, then suddenly stood up and went out into the hallway.
“What the heck is she doing…?”
She took the towel with her too.
Sitting here idle was boring, so I got up and headed to the kitchen.
I rummaged lightly through the fridge, pulled out the watermelon I’d cut and frozen earlier, and started removing the seeds.
As I was doing that, Hino Hana came back.
“Hey, what were you up to just now?”
“Nothing. Just getting some fresh air outside to cool my head.”
“…No, it’s hotter out there.”
“It’s your fault for saying I don’t have to hold back.”
What was she talking about?
I did say she didn’t have to hold back, but I meant I wanted her to act like normal.
Who said anything about letting loose?
Besides, I never even thought I’d been holding back all this time.
“…………This isn’t something I should ask, but…”
“I see you in a sexual way, Himura.”
“I hadn’t even asked yet—stop, you idiot!”
I absolutely don’t want to talk about that with someone I’ve known since we were kids. And anyway, that’s not something you declare out loud.
Just because no one else is around to hear doesn’t mean you can say whatever.
“Himura, think about it calmly.”
“Hm? What?”
“I’m alone with the guy I like, who’s all sweaty and shirtless. Don’t you think I’m pretty gentlemanly for not making a move?”
“You’re not a gentleman—you’re not even a guy.”
And it’s not like I enjoy being shirtless or sweating.
If this community center had a shower, I’d rinse off right away.
Even without thinking calmly, I could see her point, but it’s not like saying something so obvious now helps.
“You’ve known me like this forever, so you’re used to it…”
“I am used to it, but that’s separate. Once I realized I like you, it’s different.”
“…How long has that been?”
I wasn’t sure if I should ask, but it felt like it was too late not to, so I went ahead.
Hino Hana fiddled with her bangs for a moment, then answered in a small voice.
“Around sixth grade, maybe?”
We’d gotten close starting in the upper years of elementary, so that meant there was maybe a three-year period where she saw me as just a normal friend…
“Not my place to say, but that’s a pretty long unrequited crush.”
“You could make it mutual.”
“…I’ll pass for now.”
“Didn’t you want a relationship without holding back?”
“Don’t nitpick my words, okay? That’s not what I meant.”
Having finished removing the seeds from the frozen watermelon, I added a bit of honey and lemon juice, then blended it into a smoothie.
I took out two glasses, divided the smoothie, and handed one to Hino Hana.
“I didn’t really need this, though.”
“Hm? Nah, it’d be weird to make just mine.”
“You’re the one who’s tired.”
“Drinking something cold will calm you down way more than getting fresh air outside.”
Please, just settle down already.
Her acting suspicious isn’t new, so it’s no big deal, but being looked at weirdly and made to feel conscious of it isn’t right.
“You should take more interest in the opposite sex, Himura.”
“Even if I don’t, they come to me…”
“Don’t you have any interest in girls’ bodies?”
“Hm? Well…”
I have the normal amount of interest and curiosity, but right now it’s like, whatever, or not the time for that.
There are way more important things.
If I think seriously, I’m leaning toward not interested.
Back when I was bullied, I don’t remember what started it, but I got falsely accused of peeping on girls changing or something, and ever since, hearing about girls’ changing rooms, underwear, or bodies brings back those awful memories vividly, so I rarely think about it.
At most, I go along with Tsuse’s dirty talk.
He’s my model for “typical high school guy’s values.”
I learn normal high school guy perspectives and sensitivities from him.
But when I talk with Tsuse, it’s usually dirty talk while checking out cute girls… Well, that’s high school guys for you.
Unfortunately, Tsuse isn’t here, so I can’t join in dirty talk with Hino Hana.
Talking more about the opposite sex felt off somehow, so I finished my smoothie and restarted practice.
“…You dodged it.”
…………It’s not like I’ve never thought about the opposite sex or anything.
