──She didn’t come.
The call wouldn’t connect, and no read receipt appeared on the chat.
I came to the meeting hall at the usual time, but there was no word from Hino Hana.
Why things turned out like this—I know it’s because of what happened that day, but no matter how much I think about it, I can’t figure out what Hino Hana is feeling or why she’s avoiding meeting me.
Even putting that aside, her not showing up for practice is a bit of a problem.
We have recordings of the actual performance, so I can continue practicing even without her.
In fact, I’ve been going through the motions of the performance alone, checking the forms, or heading to the nearby gym to run and rebuild my stamina.
But the absence of her presence here feels… off.
Because it’s always been the norm for her to be here.
I don’t think there’s any reason beyond that.
That said, sitting here alone, idly stretching, isn’t going to start anything.
With no other choice, I stood up in the silent space, faced the mirror, and decided to go through the entire performance from start to finish.
From my fingertips to my toes, every joint, the imagined sway of the costume, even the direction my hair would flow—I focused on every detail, slowly confirming each movement.
I immersed myself in the sensation of moving my body, aligning the reflection in the mirror with the ideal form in my mind.
In the midst of this almost meditative, monotonous time, I suddenly felt someone’s gaze on my back and turned around.
“──Ah…”
Standing there was Hino Hana.
I didn’t know how long she’d been there, but she stood frozen, dressed in her usual slightly stylish outfit, holding her bag in one hand.
“If you’re here, say something.”
“…Sorry, I was mesmerized.”
Her blunt words caught me off guard, and I could only shrug in response.
I wasn’t moving as intensely as usual, so I was only slightly sweaty, but I wiped my forehead with a towel anyway before speaking to Hino Hana again.
“You’re late. Stuck in traffic or something?”
I asked without looking at her, deliberately.
“…No. I wasn’t sure if I should come.”
“Why not?”
“Because I hurt you and Nanami.”
“Kaori aside, I’m not that bothered. …Sure, hearing about Kaori was a bit of a shock, but still.”
I don’t think Hino Hana hurt me.
If she thinks she damaged my relationship with Kaori, she’s got it all wrong.
“It’s just… how do I put it?”
“Yeah?”
“This might upset you, Hino Hana, but no matter what happens… I want you to treat me the same as always. Whether we fight or some weird incident happens.”
That’s the kind of relationship I think we can have.
Not friends, not best friends, not lovers—something different.
I don’t know the right way to describe it, though.
“I don’t want you to hold back with me, Hino Hana, and I won’t hold back with you either. That’s the kind of relationship I want, so don’t let something like this make you hesitate to show up for practice or ignore my messages.”
After saying that, I finally met her eyes.
“…Don’t you think you could be a little more considerate of a girl’s feelings, or maybe treat me with a bit more delicacy, Himura?”
Her face, as expressionless as ever, broke into a faint smile.
“I only talk like this with you.”
“…Seriously, what do you even think of me, Himura?”
“Hmm… maybe, like, a partner?”
I blurted out the first word that came to mind, and Hino Hana let out a small chuckle.
“Pfft… quit saying dumb stuff and let’s practice.”
“You’re the one who showed up late!”
I let out a sigh, muttering “geez,” but a smile crept onto my face without me realizing.
My choice is probably childish, I bet.
And Hino Hana’s response feels… mature, I guess.
I used to think trampling on someone’s feelings was unforgivable, but to think I’d end up making a choice like this—years ago, I never would’ve imagined it.
I want to keep my relationship with Hino Hana the same.
That’s a genuine feeling I hold, but it also means confronting her with the fact that her own feelings won’t be fulfilled.
Even so, she smiled and accepted it, like it was no big deal.
That’s probably her own kind of love.
Hino Hana never once said she wanted to be my lover.
Maybe because she didn’t want to hear my answer—or maybe she already knew what I’d say.
I think love is probably about accepting, not giving or wanting.
It’s the most selfless, rational form of affection, caring for someone else above all.
Calling selfless affection “love” and selfish affection “desire”… that’s just my own theory, though.
I probably think this way because of my parents.
My parents rarely see each other.
It’s mostly because of work, or because of me and Kohaku’s school schedules.
But when they do meet, they’re so lovey-dovey it’d make newlyweds jealous, flaunting it in front of me and Kohaku.
I don’t know what drew them to each other or led them to marry, and I don’t really want to know the details of their relationship.
But I imagine it’s pretty stressful for a couple who loves each other that much to only see each other occasionally.
Still, they accept each other’s personalities, work, relationships, and all sorts of circumstances, which is probably why they still have such a great marriage.
I mean, my dad’s always going on about falling in love at first sight with someone or other, but he’s never cheated or had an affair, so that’s gotta mean something.
Though, if you point out their flaws as parents, I wouldn’t have much to say in their defense.
Even so, I don’t want my parents to change.
Maybe their hands-off approach was a form of parenting, and besides, I’ve never gone to them saying, “I want to try this.”
I’ve just done what I was told, going along with the flow of each day.
This kagura dance, my relationships with Kaori and Hino Hana—they’re all just extensions of that.
That’s why I don’t want to change my relationships with them.
I didn’t actively choose this dynamic, but that doesn’t mean I’m dissatisfied with it.
Even if they’re frustrated with it, I don’t have the capacity or the guts to handle their dissatisfaction.
I’ve just been swept along by life, so maybe it was inevitable.
“Himura, what’re you doing?”
“Huh? Nothing.”
Hino Hana’s voice snapped me back, and I stood in front of the mirror again. Her reflection, as always, looked unchanged.
Why Kaori and Hino Hana came to like me…
Even when they explained it, I didn’t really understand or agree. And given the situation, it didn’t sink in much.
But for some reason, what Kiritsuki said stuck with me.
Lately, her words have been calming my heart and emotions.
I owe her another thanks.
Sure, I thought it was a bit much that she went and told Souma and the others everything, but it ended up deepening my bond with them, so I can’t really hold it against her.
Above all, I was glad no one brought up the fact that I “couldn’t choose one person.”
It felt like my friends respected my personality and way of thinking.
“Hey.”
“Hm?”
“…Himura, unless I’m imagining it…”
Hino Hana didn’t finish her sentence.
She just mouthed, It’s nothing, before quickly bringing the flute to her lips, so I turned my focus back to myself.
I don’t know what she was about to say.
But from her eyes, I could tell she wasn’t in a bad mood.
☆Afterword──────────────────
Lately, emulating this twisted protagonist and writing from his perspective has started to feel like a real challenge.
This guy, seriously… make the protagonist more straightforward, whoever came up with him!
Oh, that was me.
☆We hit 4,000 and 1 million PVs—huge thanks!
I’m so grateful for all the warm comments. This time, I’m determined to post every day until it’s complete, especially since this work has gotten so much attention.
By the way, it seems like quite a few people actually read the afterword carefully, huh? (lol)
