The promenade

Come to think of it, just the other day, I was forced to carry Kasahara on my back while heading home.

Back then, the emotions swirling inside me, shaped by my relationship with the person on my back, were complex, almost nostalgic. Frustration, loneliness, a faint glimmer of hope—those feelings churned together into a chaotic mess.

But now, the emotions I feel while carrying Hayashi are, by comparison, somewhat simpler.

The biggest chunk of them, by far, is worry.

From the moment her arms wrapped around me, and even now as she trembles on my back, I can’t help but be overwhelmingly worried about her.

…I realized, vaguely, that I’d never really taken the time to calmly analyze my feelings in a situation like this, alone with someone of the opposite sex.

But because I did analyze them, I came to a conclusion: Hayashi’s current mental state is completely at odds with the purpose of this outing.

Normally, the reason for going out is to have fun or to refresh, right?

Hayashi, too, must have planned this outing with Kasahara to enjoy herself.

…But the emotions she’s likely feeling right now, from an outsider’s perspective, seem like nothing but fear or other negative things.

“Ugh…”

After Hayashi let out a groan, her head bumped against the back of mine.

She probably still hasn’t dared to open her eyes properly, even now as I carry her.

If this was going to happen, maybe we shouldn’t have walked across Rainbow Bridge after all.

…Or should we have?

The reason we decided to walk across Rainbow Bridge in the first place was because Hayashi wanted me to enjoy it.

And right now, despite the swirl of emotions, worry takes up the largest share—but coming in second is the fact that, somehow, I’m actually enjoying this walk.

Her plan worked. Despite everything, I’m finding some joy in walking here.

So, coming here wasn’t a mistake. Thinking we shouldn’t have come? Not at all.

…And yet, even with that realization, why do I still feel like we should’ve avoided this?

Man, humans are such strange creatures.

Not being able to explain your own feelings to yourself—it’s like we’re annoyingly complicated beings.

…In the end, I’ll probably keep regretting coming here unless I can help the trembling girl on my back pull herself together.

So, what exactly should I say to help her recover?

I racked my brain for a moment.

Why is she so scared right now?

…Because she’s afraid of heights?

Then, how do I make that fear go away?

Get down from the high place. Or leave as quickly as possible.

…Or better yet, don’t bring someone like that to a high place to begin with.

Damn it…!

No matter how I think about it, coming to Rainbow Bridge was a mistake…!

…Ugh.

Let’s try thinking outside the box.

Right… we just need to help her overcome it.

She’s scared of heights right now, but if we can make heights less frightening for her, that’s the solution.

…So, what do we do?

The first thing that popped into my head was a drastic measure.

I gave my body a big shake.

“Kyaaaahhh!”

Hayashi screamed.

“W-w-w-what are you doing?!”

I shook my body again, harder this time.

“Gyaaaahhhh!!!”

“Hmm. No good, huh?”

If anything, I seemed to have made her even more terrified.

Hayashi, breathing heavily, grabbed both my cheeks and pinched them hard.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

“I thought if I gave you an even bigger scare, you’d get used to the fear and it’d ease up—ow, ow, that hurts!”

With enough force to rip mochi apart, Hayashi yanked at my cheeks.

Yeah, this was a complete failure. Worse, if I move too much, I’ll just scare her more, so I’m stuck letting her do this, and my cheeks are killing me.

…To begin with, trying to scare someone who’s already been traumatized by domestic violence with a drastic approach like this was, in hindsight, unthinkable.

I was hit with a wave of intense guilt for treating this like some kind of experiment.

“Sorry. That was thoughtless of me.”

“An apology won’t cut it!”

For once, Hayashi was genuinely angry.

“Sorry.”

“Every single time! You always do weird stuff like this! Ugh! UGH!!!”

“…Sorry.”

Have I always been doing weird stuff?

Given the situation, I didn’t argue, but I couldn’t help but question that.

I mean, sure, I act without thinking sometimes, or spend every waking moment cleaning, or tease Hayashi while she’s heartbroken from domestic violence.

…Huh.

Yeah, I guess I do weird stuff all the time.

“…You really pay close attention to me, don’t you?”

Hayashi’s hands froze.

“Don’t sound so impressed when you’re being scolded.”

“Sorry. I was way too reckless.”

Hayashi seemed to calm down a bit.

Maybe my clumsy attempt actually had some effect.

“…But, you know, since we’re here looking at this amazing view, don’t you want to share it with me?”

“With me?”

“Yeah, with you.”

Hayashi fell silent.

“If you’re just going to close your eyes because you’re scared, why not try opening them and facing it? If it doesn’t work out, that’s fine too. But if you let this moment pass and later try facing it again, and realize it wasn’t so bad, you’ll regret it. You’ll wonder why you didn’t try back then. You’ll think, if I’d known it was okay, I could’ve had so many more options.”

Now that I think about it, Hayashi said something similar on the train back from her hometown.

She’s probably trying to change, bit by bit, through all sorts of experiences.

If that’s the case, as her roommate, I’ve got to give her a push.

Even if it means one day she might come to hate me.

“…The way you talk, it’s got this shady vibe, like a friend trying to rope you into a pyramid scheme.”

“Ha, maybe. But this isn’t some cheap line I borrowed from someone else. It’s just what I’ve experienced and thought about myself.”

“…I’ll give you that.”

She acknowledges me? That’s a relief.

Hayashi went quiet for a while.

“Wow.”

A voice came from behind me after a bit.

That voice, tinged with a sigh, was unmistakably Hayashi’s.

What’s so “wow” about?

I don’t even need to ask—it’s probably the same thing I’m looking at right now.

“Pretty great, right?”

“…Yeah.”

Hayashi let out another sigh.

“You were right. This… it’d be a shame to miss out on.”

“Right?”

“…Yeah. I’m glad I didn’t regret it.”

Hayashi’s arms wrapped around my neck.

…I said it’d be a shame to miss the view, not to get all cozy and lean into me.

Feeling a bit awkward, I lowered my gaze.

“The sea’s pretty damn dirty, though.”

“Don’t ruin the moment, idiot.”

Hayashi bonked her forehead against the back of my head.

I bet everyone’s thinking, “How many chapters are they gonna spend just walking across Rainbow Bridge?”

It’s starting to feel like I haven’t even thought of what comes next.

………….