Lovers’ Relationship
That night, after I started hiding Hayashi at my place, I was having dinner with her.
It had been a few hours since I decided to shelter her here. This morning, before going to bed, there’d been so much going on that I hadn’t really thought about it, but now, this space with just the two of us felt incredibly awkward.
Hayashi and I were classmates back in high school. But we didn’t talk much during those days. She didn’t seem to like carefree guys like me, and as for me, I didn’t have many girl friends to begin with. Plus, I figure she probably didn’t think too highly of me back then. That’s why things felt so tense now.
“Hey.”
Hayashi broke the silence.
“What?”
“I wonder what he’s doing right now.”
By “he,” she probably meant her live-in boyfriend. The one who’d been abusing her. I couldn’t understand why she’d care about someone like that.
“You still have feelings for him?”
“No, that’s not it.”
“It’s not?”
Denying it outright felt a bit harsh… but considering everything she’d been through, it really wasn’t. I’m just glad she didn’t have to keep dragging out that messed-up relationship.
“…I was just feeling a little scared, that’s all.”
She said it in a straightforward tone, but despite her voice, the words revealed her fear. Scared. After months of domestic violence and all that treatment, it made sense she’d be terrified of going through it again. Totally natural.
“That’s not something I’d expect to hear from the high school version of you.”
I said it teasingly. We’d already told the police everything, and for now, she was hidden away in this place her boyfriend had no clue about, so worrying was just a waste of time. Instead of dwelling on the fear, let’s talk about something lighter. That was the idea behind my words.
The fact that it didn’t come across that way at all was probably because my personality’s so twisted.
Man, Hayashi really picked the wrong guy to rely on. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. First that abuser, now me. Her luck with men is downright awful.
“…Thanks.”
Hayashi thanked me. I’d expected her to get mad or exasperated, so I widened my eyes in surprise.
“What, you look like you’ve been hit with a stun gun or something.”
“…Well…”
“I mean, of course I’m grateful.”
Hayashi glanced at me, looking a bit embarrassed.
“If you hadn’t told me to come to your place back then, I’d still be getting beaten. I wouldn’t have even gone to the police or had a chance to make him pay for it. And right now, you’re trying to lighten the mood for me with that casual tone, aren’t you?”
“That’s how my words sounded to you?”
“Am I wrong?”
“…No, you’re right.”
Don’t make me say it. It’s embarrassing.
…Back in high school, we didn’t talk much. I never had a reason to approach her, and whenever I did, I’d get some curt reply or a scolding, so I figured she hated me and deliberately avoided conversations.
But maybe, just maybe, she didn’t think that badly of me after all.
Our classmates used to call her the queen bee.
She had a beautiful face. A figure everyone envied. And she was bold, speaking her mind clearly. To everyone around her, that came off as queen-like, intimidating.
I never called her that out loud, but I remember thinking it suited her perfectly.
But despite how she seemed, maybe she’s actually pretty perceptive.
Nah, I can’t say that yet.
We’ve only been together for one day. Just because she understood me once doesn’t mean I know everything about her. Assuming that would be arrogant.
“Your boyfriend’s probably out there right now, frantically looking for you.”
“…Yeah.”
“You should stay inside this room for a while.
…And you might want to get a new phone, but you’ll have to hold off on that for now.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know how he might find out where you are.”
I don’t know how Hayashi and her boyfriend started dating. But from what I remember of her in high school, her social circle was probably way bigger than I could imagine. No telling where info about her location might leak from.
“…You’re right. Okay.”
“Sorry about this. It’s gonna be inconvenient for you. …I’ve got work, so I can’t stay here all the time. If something happens while I’m out, there’s nothing I can do.”
“…Hehe.”
“What’s so funny?”
“I was just thinking, why am I the one getting apologized to in all this?”
Fair point.
I’m clearly the one who got dragged into her mess. So why do I have to bend over backward for her? But even now, after she laughed about it, I still feel guilty, so I guess it’s not wrong.
“…This is what a real lovers’ relationship is like, I just realized.”
“Huh?”
“Apologizing even when it’s not your fault. Thinking about the other person and acting for their sake. He didn’t have either of those.”
Even after getting hit, Hayashi tried hard to support her boyfriend. I’d thought it was just her being too nice, but apparently not—it was because that was her idea of an ideal relationship.
Right now, I’m apologizing even though it’s not my fault, thinking about her, cheering her up, and making time for her. It seems like that made her really happy.
…But.
“We’re not actually in a lovers’ relationship, though.”
“True enough.”
Ahaha, Hayashi burst out laughing.
Since we reunited, I haven’t seen her smile that many times. On the other hand, I’ve seen her looking down seriously or sad way too often.
As long as it makes her smile, no matter what it is, it doesn’t feel bad.
