Wishy-washy
The day’s lectures were over, and I was heading home.
Normally, I’d be alone, swaying on the train while listening to music, but today, unfortunately, I was riding with a certain girl.
“…Hey, Yamamoto-san? Do I really have to go?”
Looking up at me with a frightened expression was Takeshita, or so she’s called.
A classmate from my university, in the same department.
So why was I on the train with her?
And why was she acting so scared?
Someone looking from the outside might think,
This smells like trouble.
“Sorry about this.”
“…I don’t want to die yet.”
Oh, it’s not just the smell of trouble—it’s one step away from it.
While making an awkward face at her teary eyes, I was trying to figure out what to say next. I wasn’t exactly equipped with the right words to comfort a girl on the verge of crying.
“Sorry. I don’t have much choice in this either.”
Unable to defy the higher-ups, I’m stuck playing a part in this mess.
It felt like I’d become some lowlife yakuza.
Right now, we were heading to my place.
Normally, it’s not the kind of place you’d bring a girl you just met today, but… my roommate insisted this morning that I bring her over, no matter what, so here we are.
“If you really don’t want to, you can just leave, you know?”
I asked, just to be sure.
“It’s fine. I mean, this all started because I asked you to help me study, didn’t it?”
“Well…”
Yeah, that might be true.
I was at a loss for words.
“Look, I don’t think there’ll be any violence, so don’t worry.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“But that person seemed really scary…”
“Looks can be deceiving. Inside, they’re…”
Lately, they’ve been calm, but back in high school, they were a real piece of work.
Violence… probably not, but they’re the type to absolutely despise anyone they don’t like. I was on that list once.
I can’t exactly say that, though…
Scaring Takeshita any further would just be cruel.
“No helping it. Let’s go with the plan to butter them up.”
I suggested.
“Butter them up…?”
“Yeah.”
“How? Like, offer them snacks or something?”
“They’re on a diet right now, so probably not.”
“You even know stuff like that?”
“They’re my roommate. It’s only natural, right?”
Takeshita fell unnaturally silent, but I didn’t pay it much mind and started thinking about ways to keep Hayashi in a good mood.
“What do girls like to hear to feel happy?”
After thinking it over, I came up empty.
“Hey, what kind of stuff do you enjoy talking about?”
“Huh…?”
Takeshita let out a low hmmm.
“Maybe… talking trash about people I don’t like?”
“That’s a rotten answer.”
“S-shut up!”
Talking trash about people you don’t like, huh?
…Come to think of it, back in high school, Hayashi always seemed to have a blast badmouthing me.
Alright.
“Takeshita, if you run out of things to say, just talk trash about me.”
“Huh?”
“They’ll probably love it.”
“…You’re okay with your roommate hearing you get badmouthed?”
“Yeah.”
“Why are you even living together if you’ve got that kind of relationship?”
“Let’s just say there are unavoidable circumstances.”
I said it dead seriously, but Takeshita narrowed her eyes at me.
“Fine, I’ll think about it.”
“Cool.”
While we were having this exchange, the train reached my station.
We got off and headed toward my apartment.
There was no conversation along the way.
We weren’t close enough to chat casually, and for people like us with few (or no) friends, picking up on each other’s feelings to keep a conversation going was a tall order.
Still, Takeshita’s steps grew heavier the further we walked.
It was obvious she was hesitant about coming to my place.
You could see it plain as day.
“We’re here.”
But mercilessly, we arrived at my place without incident.
“…Hey, Yamamoto-kun?”
“What?”
“Can I go home?”
“After coming all this way…?”
Getting cold feet now is a bit too late, don’t you think?
“You should’ve said something earlier.”
“…But…”
“It’s fine.”
“Huh?”
“I messed up by putting you in a situation where you couldn’t speak up. That’s on me. Sorry. If you don’t want to come, I won’t force you. I’ll figure something out. So, it’s okay to head home.”
Takeshita’s eyes widened.
“Yamamoto-kun…”
“You look like you’re about to cry.”
Was it that bad…?
Yeah, I get it.
Hayashi’s pretty scary, huh?
“If I go home, you won’t get chewed out or anything, right?”
“Whether I do or don’t, that’s not for you to worry about, is it?”
“…You sure?”
“Make up your mind already.”
She was like this when we met this morning too—always so indecisive.
“Takeshita, do you want to go home or not?”
“…I want to go home.”
“Got it. Then go. No ‘buts’ or ‘what-ifs.’ Do what you want. If you don’t decide for yourself, it’s meaningless.”
At that, Takeshita looked down in silence for a bit.
“Sorry.”
Then, she apologized and turned on her heel.
“Yeah, my bad. Take care getting home.”
“Okay…!”
For now, this should mean nothing bad will happen to Takeshita.
That’s good enough for the moment.
Or so I thought…
“What’re you doing standing in front of the door?”
The door to my place swung open, and out came Hayashi.
…Talk about bad timing.
As if her joints were rusted gears, Takeshita turned toward Hayashi with an almost audible creak.
…I was this close to letting her go.
It’s because she’s so wishy-washy that we missed the timing, isn’t it?
“H-hey, it’s been since this morning.”
“Yeah.”
Hayashi glanced away from Takeshita.
