Chapter 11 | What Is Love? 

 

The new manager who’s been with me since last year calls me diligently every day. 

 

“—So, how about it, Kuruha-chan? Ready to make a comeback soon? Like I said before, with your talent, you could debut solo someday. The producer says so too. But to do that, you need to properly graduate from being an idol and move on.” 

 

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I hold the phone with both hands and press it to my ear. For some reason, whenever I talk to my manager, I reflexively take this position. 

 

A solo debut…… What kind of future awaits beyond that? Is that where the version of myself I want to be exists? 

 

What would Koyuna-senpai have done……? 

 

“I’m really sorry for taking so many breaks. Please let me think about it.” 

 

As I answer, I hear a faint sigh of disappointment from the other end of the line. 

 

Why am I taking time off work over something like this? To begin with, I don’t even understand myself. 

 

Did I ever really want to be an idol? What did I want to achieve by becoming one? 

 

I have no idea. 

 

All this time, I’ve been driven solely by the desire to become like Koyuna-senpai. She was truly the only idol I admired, my inspiration. 

 

After hanging up, there’s a soft knock at my door. 

 

“Yes?” 

 

I reply briefly, and my mom’s voice comes from outside. 

 

“Kuruha-chan, you okay? ……Anything you want for dinner?” 

 

She’s worried about me. She was probably listening at the door while I was on the phone with my manager. 

 

Well, of course she would. Today was supposed to be a workday, so I skipped school. But I ditched work and stayed holed up in my room all day. Any parent would be anxious if their middle school daughter was starting to look like a shut-in. 

 

“Thanks. I’ll eat anything.” 

 

After a brief pause, she replies, “Got it.” 

 

Until recently, on days I skipped work, I’d go to Koyuna-senpai’s house…… But I can’t try to drag her back into the idol world anymore. 

 

Because she explained to me herself why she left that world behind. 

 

I get it, I think. It’s just how things are. But part of me hoped that meeting her again might change something, so honestly, I’m pretty down about it. 

 

I didn’t realize until she was gone how much I relied on her. It really feels like she was all I had…… 

 

I’m sorry, Kuruha-chan. I’m really sorry. There were times I regretted pushing you to keep going. But now, my feelings have changed a bit…… Just wait a little longer, okay? 

 

That’s what Koyuna-senpai said. 

 

Wait for what, exactly? She didn’t tell me back then. It’s already been over a week since that conversation. 

 

I let out a sigh and pick up the phone I’d tossed onto the bed. Out of habit, I open an SNS app. 

 

Seeing that post at this exact moment wasn’t a coincidence. It couldn’t be, because lately, I’ve been thinking about this kind of thing constantly. 

 

“Koyuna-senpai!?” 

 

It’s a video post. I tap the silent, moving video to open the playback screen and turn up the phone’s volume. In the backlight of the sunset, a woman is singing. Her face is shadowed and invisible, but her figure—her movements—glue my eyes to the screen. 

 

There’s no mistake. It’s Koyuna-senpai. 

 

She’s not singing one of her idol songs but a popular track by another artist that’s trending now. It’s a singing style I’ve never heard before. It’s not just dancing—it’s a performance that feels like pure expression. And that intense, raw voice, baring her emotions. 

 

At first glance, no one would recognize her as the idol Kamakura Koyuna. 

 

But I know. It’s her. Her silhouette. The subtle habits in her movements. And the fundamental quality of her voice. I’ve watched her for so long…… 

 

It’s a short video, just a snippet of the song. I can’t help but play it again. 

 

Incredible. She can sing like this? What a range of skill. It’s far beyond what’s expected of an idol. 

 

The video came up as a recommended post. An idol from another group had shared it with a comment: This person’s amazing! Who is she? A pro? 

 

I tap the text to go to the original post. 

 

I’ve been playing this video on loop while studying! It gives me so much energy and gets me pumped. Also, the singing is just insane. God-tier! 

 

There, alongside the short video, is a URL linking to the full video on a video site. 

 

The poster’s name is ‘Manamichi@TopMockExam’…… That sounds super familiar…… 

 

The Manamichi@TopMockExam account has just over 1,000 followers. But the post, made two days ago, has already been shared over 10,000 times. 

 

I tap the URL, and it takes me to the video site. The title is On a School Rooftop, Basking in the Sunset, Singing a Popular Movie Theme Song, followed by the artist and song name. 

 

The video has great ratings and is on track to surpass 100,000 views. 

 

The video is about three minutes long, seemingly the full song uploaded. While playing it, I scroll through the comments below. 

 

What is this, too cool. I’ve watched it so many times. 

 

Incredible…… 

 

A monster. A new talent. 

 

What’s with this vibe? How old is she? A raw gem or an already polished jewel? 

 

Is she not a pro? 

 

The afterglow is insane, I keep replaying it. 

 

A school rooftop? A high schooler?? 

 

When I refresh the comments, new reactions flood in. 

 

Is her throat okay? This is too intense. 

 

I want to see her face! You can tell she’s beautiful even in the sunset. 

 

Subscribed to the channel. Excited for more. 

 

Another refresh. 

 

She expresses so many emotions—anger, pain, sadness, everything. Goosebumps. 

 

Please upload more singing videos! 

 

Beautiful! It’s an amateur singing video, but the visuals are already MV-quality. 

It feels like it’s speaking to me. It’s motivating. 

 

A huge wave is building. Before I know it, I’m replaying the video over and over while reading through the comments. 

 

Just like back then, the world is paying attention to Kamakura Koyuna. It’s buzzing. It’s electrified. 

 

Checking the account, it already has over 20,000 subscribers. The channel name, Live or Die in the Moment Channel, is set against a pitch-black icon. 

 

It’s so Koyuna-senpai, I think. This mysterious vibe is exactly what draws people in. 

 

I can’t help but let out a little chuckle. 

 

“……As expected, Senpai is incredible.” 

 

She showed me. The true talent of Kamakura Koyuna. 

 

I haven’t reached this level yet. I couldn’t even stand at the center of the group Senpai used to lead. 

 

And yet, I’m skipping idol work just because I lost my goal when Senpai left? Who do I think I am? 

 

Someday, I want to surpass this—no, exceed it. 

 

Watching the video, her angry, passionate singing stirs my fighting spirit. 

 

As an idol, I’ll first surpass Senpai’s achievements. 

 

And when I eventually graduate and go solo, I want to deliver a performance like this video—one that moves people’s hearts and inspires them. 

 

Feeling like the path ahead is suddenly clear, I stand up. 

 

First, I need to apologize to my manager. And to Mom. And I want to see Senpai again. Oh, and Manamichi@TopMockExam, who spread this video and opened my eyes— 

 

Unable to sit still, I fumble with my phone, probably with a goofy grin on my face. 

 

For the first time in a while, I’m remembering how I felt that day when I first decided I wanted to be an idol. 

 

◇ ◇ ◇ 

 

The message from Uyama about watching the video came to Makura just as I was in her room. 

 

It started with a single message, but soon her phone started buzzing nonstop, and Makura answered the call. Nodding and responding a few times, she glances at me and gives a thumbs-up. 

 

Looks like it worked out. 

 

I let out a sigh of relief and lean back on the bed, fiddling with my phone. 

 

After finishing the call, Makura speaks to me with a delighted expression. 

 

“Kuruha-chan watched the whole video! She praised it like crazy! And she said she’s gonna start trying hard again!” 

 

“Nice. That’s awesome!” 

 

I show Makura the SNS page for Momomori Kuruha on my phone. It’s filled with an apology for missing events and an announcement for a full-comeback live show. 

 

“Thanks so much. It’s all because of you, Manamichi-kun.” 

 

“Nah, it’s all because of that song—your performance, Makura. It moved me too, and honestly, I rewatch the video sometimes. Compared to that, I barely did anything.” 

 

“Y-You watch it sometimes……? That’s kinda embarrassing. But no way! You didn’t ‘barely’ do anything. That account! Top Mock Exam! Without that, the video wouldn’t have spread like it did.” 

 

“I dunno. With your talent, it would’ve gone viral eventually.” 

 

“But probably not this fast. Spreading that video so quickly? That was absolutely you, Manamichi-kun.” 

 

Makura says it with conviction. 

 

This was one of my strategies to spread Makura’s video. 

 

While researching SNS, I thought about what I could do, what only I could do. Then I remembered something Makura mentioned during our summer trip—using my hard work in studying directly. 

 

Not applying knowledge gained from studying, but leveraging the brain honed by studying itself. 

 

It hit me, and I searched SNS. 

 

I found that when someone posts proof of getting first place in a national mock exam, it gets a ton of reactions. 

 

Whether it’s first in a specific university’s ranking, first in three subjects nationwide, or a perfect score in one subject—it doesn’t matter, but to boost impressions, it has to be first. And accounts that regularly post about studying, like study methods or routines, often have thousands or tens of thousands of followers. 

 

I had a national mock exam coming up at my cram school. I’m in my first year of high school, but I was scheduled to take a test meant for third-years and repeaters. Since it’s run by the cram school and not used by regular high schools, the results come back quickly. 

 

If I could get first place and grow my SNS followers…… 

 

With that in mind, I created a study account on SNS, posting daily study updates while preparing for the exam. 

 

To compete with third-years and repeaters, I focused on my strongest subject, math, and meticulously filled every gap in my knowledge. 

 

And I did it—I got a perfect score and took first place in the national mock exam. 

 

I posted the proof, gained followers in the academic community, uploaded Makura’s edited video to the site, and shared it on SNS. 

 

But the fact that one post blew up like that? That’s undeniably because Makura’s video was just that good. Within a day of posting, the shares tripled my follower count. I hadn’t turned off notifications at first, so my phone was groaning under the strain. 

 

“The mock exam, the video editing—everything. I can’t thank you enough. I wanna do something to repay you……” 

 

Makura tilts her gaze upward as if thinking, then glances at me, her face slightly red as she shakes her head. What’s she thinking? 

 

“No need. It’s give and take, y’know? I did it because I wanted to.” 

 

When I say that, Makura looks at me and grins. 

 

“Then I owe you one, Manamichi-kun. I’ll definitely pay you back someday.” 

 

I nod with an “Alright,” squinting at her smile. 

 

I don’t know when that’ll be, but having a promise of “someday” feels kinda nice. 

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

It’d been about three weeks since that night at the coin parking lot when I last saw Uyama. 

 

Today’s Saturday, and I’d been at cram school for a special lecture since morning. With the mock exam over, I planned to take it easy for a bit. After class ended in the evening, I skipped the study room and headed to Makura’s place. 

 

I ran into her just as I arrived at Makura’s apartment and climbed the stairs to the second floor. 

 

“Oh, Senpai!” 

 

A voice calls from above, and I look up to see a beautiful girl with short black hair and big, round eyes staring down at me. 

 

“Uyama…… What a coincidence.” 

 

She waits for me to reach the top of the stairs before speaking. 

 

“I was nearby for work, so I stopped by Koyuna-senpai’s place.” 

 

“Got it. Work, huh?” 

 

At my reply, Uyama gives a wry smile. 

 

“The live show at the end of the month is tight to schedule, but I told the agency I want to join. I’m gonna go all out!” 

 

“Nice. I’m rooting for you.” 

 

“Thanks!” 

 

Uyama nods, then fidgets, clasping her hands and rubbing her fingers together. 

 

“Um, thank you for before. I heard you and Koyuna-senpai did a lot for me.” 

 

“Nah, I didn’t do much.” 

 

“No, no, don’t be modest! Koyuna-senpai was so grateful. She said that video was all thanks to you, Negoro-senpai.” 

 

She was grateful, huh? I’m a little curious about what Makura and Uyama talked about. 

 

Uyama brings her clasped hands to her chest like a prayer, her eyes sparkling as she continues. 

 

“That video was so moving. Senpai literally shining in the sunset. It’s a shame I couldn’t perform with her on stage, but hearing her sing again as a fan after so long made me so happy. It reminded me just how crazy I am about her. I’ve watched the video a ton of times already.” 

 

Looks like Makura and I achieved our goal. Hearing it straight from her makes the success sink in. 

 

“Glad to hear it. I’ve been rewatching that video a fair bit too.” 

 

At my words, Uyama puffs out her chest proudly. 

 

“She’s amazing, right? Koyuna-senpai!” 

 

“Yeah, seriously.” 

 

“Meeting her after so long, her visuals are still perfect, flawless…… If you let your guard down, she might go somewhere far away, y’know?” 

 

Uyama says this with a cheeky grin. 

 

Does she mean restarting her entertainment career through that video? Or something else……? 

 

As I’m thinking, 

 

“I knew it, but Negoro-senpai, you like Koyuna-senpai, don’t you?” 

 

“H-Huh!? W-Why would you say that?” 

 

Her sudden words catch me off guard, and I stammer back. 

 

“I mean, I heard you came up with the idea, filmed, and edited that video. Making something like that must’ve been really tough. And it was super high-quality. You did it without expecting anything in return, right? That’s…… y’know, that, isn’t it?” 

 

“……Is it? ……No, wait, that’s not it. I mean, it’s not like I could’ve asked anyone else to do it, and there wasn’t anyone to ask. I had to do it. Besides, I decided I’d help Makura out.” 

 

Uyama lets out an “Oh?” at my words. 

 

“N-No, that’s not what I meant!” 

 

Did I give her the wrong idea? Ever since summer, Makura’s been my teacher in slacking off, and I’m her student. So, naturally, I want to help her out when she needs it. That’s just how our relationship works. That’s what I meant to say, but— 

 

Uyama quietly watches me as I spiral. 

 

“Excuses? Or are you just oblivious? Either way, you won’t catch a legendary idol like that.” 

 

She giggles and turns on her heel. 

 

“I’ll come back to hang out! Oh, and please come to my live show, Senpai! See ya!” 

 

With that, Uyama leaves. 

 

I stand there, watching her back as she goes. 

 

……That’s right. Makura really is legendary. Her performance made that undeniable. 

 

The video’s comments said it too—she’s an overwhelming bundle of talent. 

 

I genuinely think she’s incredible. 

 

When I’m with Makura, people (including just now) sometimes suggest I might have feelings for her. 

 

Love or whatever—I’m too inexperienced to understand those feelings. 

 

I just know I want to be with her. 

 

I want to keep working hard to stand side by side with Makura, my admired figure. 

 

I shift my gaze from Uyama leaving the apartment grounds and head to Makura’s door. When I ring the bell, the door opens right away. 

 

“Yo, Manamichi-kun!” 

 

As usual, Makura appears in pajamas. Today’s choice is an adorably maxed-out negligee with lace at the collar. 

 

“Hey. Sorry I’m late.” 

 

“Nah, no prob. You just ran into Kuruha-chan, right? What were you talking about?” 

 

Guess she heard our voices from her room. 

 

“N-Nothing much?” 

 

I dodge the question, and Makura leans in to peer at my face. 

 

“Hmm? Sounds suspicious. What’s up?” 

 

“No, really, nothing. Just her saying thanks for making that video.” 

 

No way I’m telling her that Uyama said I like her. I quickly add, 

 

“H-Hey, wanna play some games for a change? I can stay late tonight!” 

 

I change the subject and step into the room. Any more probing, and I’m in trouble. 

 

I pretend not to notice Makura eyeing me suspiciously with a “Hmmm.” 

 

☆☆☆ 

 

—Negoro-senpai, you like Koyuna-senpai, don’t you? 

 

Look, I decided I’d help Makura out— 

 

Sorry, Manamichi-kun, but I totally heard everything…… 

 

It’s not like I was eavesdropping or anything, okay? 

 

I always wait a bit after seeing someone off from my room before locking the door. 

 

Today, after Kuruha-chan left, I was standing by the entrance as usual when I heard their voices. They were just loud enough to catch if I listened closely, so I stayed quiet by the door—wait, was I eavesdropping? 

 

Anyway, Kuruha-chan said Manamichi-kun likes me…… 

 

She said it, and he denied it but didn’t quite shut it down completely. 

 

Well, I get why he’d give a vague answer. Our relationship is a bit closer than just friends, kind of unique. 

 

“……” 

 

Watching Manamichi-kun walk into my room, I feel a warm buzz deep inside. 

 

But what about me? 

 

I know that with his help this time, I took a huge step forward. He supported me in every way, and I can’t thank him enough. 

 

But aside from that, there’s another feeling that comes up when I think about him. 

 

That soft, fluffy warmth from when we slept side by side. An indescribable sense of comfort. 

 

What is love? 

 

What moment does it happen in? What sparks it? 

 

Does it just happen naturally? Does it grow on its own without you noticing? 

 

Is it something simple? Or is it supposed to be more complicated? 

 

I’m too inexperienced to know. 

 

But if I don’t know, maybe it’s okay to just be honest with my feelings— 

 

Thinking about it makes me feel like I can’t stop. 

 

I don’t know what to do, and I almost laugh at myself. 

 

But the fact is, right now, there’s a deeply precious emotion in my heart. 

 

Until I can clearly name that feeling, I want to cherish it, hold it close, and keep it safe.