Chapter 11 | What Is Love?

My new manager, who’s been with me since last year, calls me every day without fail.

“—So, how about it, Kuruha-chan? Ready to make a comeback soon? Like I said before, with your talent, you could debut solo someday. The producer thinks so too. But to do that, you need to graduate from being an idol and move forward.”

Perched on the edge of my bed, I clutch the phone with both hands, pressing it tightly to my ear. For some reason, this is always how I end up sitting whenever I talk to my manager.

A solo debut… What kind of future lies beyond that? Is that where I’ll find the version of myself I want to become?

What would Koyuna-senpai have done…?

“I’m really sorry for taking so many breaks,” I murmur. “Please let me think about it.”

A faint sigh of disappointment escapes from the other end of the line.

Why am I even taking time off over something like this? Honestly, I don’t understand myself anymore.

Did I ever truly want to be an idol? What was it I wanted to achieve by becoming one?

I don’t know.

All this time, I’ve been chasing the desire to become like Koyuna-senpai. She was the only idol I ever admired, my guiding star.

After hanging up, a soft knock sounds at my door.

“Yes?” I call out briefly.

My mom’s voice drifts in from the other side. “Kuruha-chan, you okay? …Anything you want for dinner?”

She’s worried about me. She must’ve been listening at the door while I was on the phone.

Of course she would be. Today was supposed to be a workday, so I skipped school. But instead of going to work, I shut myself in my room all day. Any parent would be anxious if their middle school daughter started acting like a shut-in.

“Thanks,” I reply. “I’ll eat anything.”

After a brief pause, she says, “Got it.”

Until recently, on days I skipped work, I’d visit Koyuna-senpai’s house… But I can’t keep trying to pull her back into the idol world anymore.

She told me herself why she left that life behind.

I understand, I think. That’s just how it is. But deep down, I hoped meeting her again might change something, so I’m honestly pretty down about it.

I didn’t realize until she was gone how much I depended on her. It feels like she was all I had…

I’m sorry, Kuruha-chan. I’m really sorry. There were times I regretted pushing you to keep going. But now, my feelings have changed a bit… Just wait a little longer, okay?

That’s what Koyuna-senpai said.

Wait for what, exactly? She didn’t explain back then. It’s been over a week since that conversation.

Letting out a sigh, I pick up the phone I’d tossed onto the bed. Out of habit, I open an SNS app.

Seeing that post at this exact moment couldn’t have been a coincidence. It’s as if my constant thoughts about her summoned it.

“Koyuna-senpai!?”

It’s a video post. I tap the silent, moving clip to open the playback screen and crank up the phone’s volume. Against the backlight of the sunset, a woman is singing. Her face is shadowed, unrecognizable, but her figure—her movements—hold my gaze captive.

There’s no mistaking it. It’s Koyuna-senpai.

She’s not performing one of her idol songs but a popular track by another artist, trending right now. It’s a singing style I’ve never heard from her before—not just dancing, but a performance that feels like raw expression. Her intense, unfiltered voice lays bare every emotion.

At first glance, no one would peg her as the idol Kamakura Koyuna.

But I know. It’s her. The silhouette. The subtle quirks in her movements. The core of her voice. I’ve watched her for so long…

The video is short, just a snippet of the song. I can’t resist playing it again.

Incredible. She can sing like this? Her range is unreal, far beyond what’s expected of an idol.

The video popped up as a recommended post. An idol from another group shared it with a comment: This person’s amazing! Who is she? A pro?

I tap the text to view the original post.

I’ve been playing this video on loop while studying! It gives me so much energy and gets me pumped. Also, the singing is just insane. God-tier!

Alongside the short clip is a URL linking to the full video on a streaming site.

The poster’s name, ‘Manamichi@TopMockExam,’ feels oddly familiar…

The Manamichi@TopMockExam account has just over 1,000 followers, but the post, made two days ago, has already been shared over 10,000 times.

I tap the URL, landing on the video site. The title reads: On a School Rooftop, Basking in the Sunset, Singing a Popular Movie Theme Song, followed by the artist and song name.

The video has stellar ratings and is on track to surpass 100,000 views.

It’s about three minutes long, seemingly the full song. As it plays, I scroll through the comments below.

What is this, too cool. I’ve watched it so many times.

Incredible…

A monster. A new talent.

What’s with this vibe? How old is she? A raw gem or an already polished jewel?

Is she not a pro?

The afterglow is insane, I keep replaying it.

A school rooftop? A high schooler??

Refreshing the page, new comments flood in.

Is her throat okay? This is too intense.

I want to see her face! You can tell she’s beautiful even in the sunset.

Subscribed to the channel. Excited for more.

Another refresh.

She expresses so many emotions—anger, pain, sadness, everything. Goosebumps.

Please upload more singing videos!

Beautiful! It’s an amateur singing video, but the visuals are already MV-quality.

It feels like it’s speaking to me. It’s motivating.

A massive wave is building. Before I know it, I’m replaying the video on loop, eyes darting between the screen and the flood of comments.

Just like back then, the world is turning its gaze toward Kamakura Koyuna. It’s buzzing. It’s alive.

Checking the account, it already has over 20,000 subscribers. The channel name, Live or Die in the Moment Channel, is set against a pitch-black icon.

It’s so Koyuna-senpai. This enigmatic aura is exactly what pulls people in.

A small chuckle escapes my lips.

“…As expected, Senpai is incredible.”

Kamakura Koyuna’s true talent shines through in that video, undeniable and breathtaking.

I haven’t reached her level—not even close. I couldn’t even claim the center spot in the group she once led.

And yet, here I am, skipping idol work just because I lost my way when Senpai stepped back? Who do I think I am?

Someday, I want to surpass this—no, I want to go beyond it.

Her fierce, passionate singing in the video ignites something in me, stirring my resolve. As an idol, I’ll first eclipse Senpai’s achievements. And when I eventually graduate to go solo, I’ll deliver a performance like hers—one that shakes hearts and inspires.

The path ahead feels clear for the first time in ages. I rise to my feet, resolve firm.

First, I owe my manager an apology. And Mom, too. I want to see Senpai again. Oh, and Manamichi@TopMockExam, who shared that video and opened my eyes—

Too restless to stay still, I fumble with my phone, probably wearing a ridiculous grin.

For the first time in a while, I’m rediscovering the spark I felt that day I decided to become an idol.

＊

The message from Uyama about watching the video reaches Makura just as I’m in her room.

It starts with a single ping, but soon her phone buzzes relentlessly. Makura answers the call, nodding and murmuring responses, then glances at me with a quick thumbs-up.

Looks like it worked.

I exhale in relief, leaning back on her bed, idly scrolling through my phone.

After hanging up, Makura turns to me, her face alight with excitement. “Kuruha-chan watched the whole video! She was raving about it! And she says she’s ready to start trying hard again!”

“Nice. That’s awesome!” I reply, pulling up Momomori Kuruha’s SNS page on my phone. It’s brimming with an apology for missing events and an announcement for a full-comeback live show.

“Thanks so much, Manamichi-kun. It’s all because of you.”

“Nah, it’s all because of your performance, Makura. That song—it moved me too. I rewatch the video sometimes. Compared to that, I barely did anything.”

“Y-You watch it sometimes…?” Her cheeks flush slightly. “That’s kinda embarrassing. But no way! You didn’t ‘barely’ do anything. That account—Top Mock Exam! Without it, the video wouldn’t have spread like it did.”

“I dunno. With your talent, it would’ve gone viral eventually.”

“But not this fast. Getting it out there so quickly? That was absolutely you, Manamichi-kun.”

Makura’s voice carries conviction.

This was my strategy to amplify Makura’s video. While digging into SNS trends, I thought about what I could do—something only I could pull off. Then I remembered what Makura said during our summer trip: use my hard work in studying directly.

Not just applying knowledge, but leveraging the sharp mind studying had honed.

It clicked. I scoured SNS and noticed that posts showing proof of topping a national mock exam always got massive reactions. Whether it’s first in a university’s ranking, first in three subjects nationwide, or a perfect score in one—it didn’t matter, but first was the key to boosting impressions. Study-focused accounts, sharing methods or routines, often racked up thousands, even tens of thousands, of followers.

I had a national mock exam coming up at cram school. As a first-year high schooler, I was set to take a test meant for third-years and repeaters. Since it’s run by the cram school, not regular high schools, results come back fast.

If I could snag first place and grow my SNS following…

With that in mind, I created a study account, posting daily updates while prepping for the exam. To compete with third-years and repeaters, I zeroed in on my strongest subject, math, meticulously plugging every gap in my knowledge.

And I did it—I scored perfectly and took first place nationwide.

I posted the proof, gained traction in the academic community, uploaded Makura’s edited video to the site, and shared it on SNS.

But the post blowing up like it did? That’s undeniably because Makura’s video was that good. Within a day, the shares tripled my follower count. I hadn’t turned off notifications at first, and my phone was practically whimpering under the flood.

“The mock exam, the video editing—everything. I can’t thank you enough,” Makura says. “I wanna do something to repay you…”

She tilts her head, thinking, then glances at me, her face slightly red as she shakes her head. What’s going through her mind?

“No need. It’s give and take, y’know? I did it because I wanted to.”

At that, Makura flashes a grin. “Then I owe you one, Manamichi-kun. I’ll definitely pay you back someday.”

“Alright,” I say, nodding, squinting at her bright smile.

I don’t know when that “someday” will come, but a promise like that feels… nice.

＊

It’s been about three weeks since that night in the coin parking lot when I last saw Uyama.

Today’s Saturday. I spent the morning at cram school for a special lecture. With the mock exam behind me, I planned to take it easy for a bit. After class wrapped up in the evening, I skipped the study room and headed to Makura’s place.

I run into her just as I arrive at her apartment and climb the stairs to the second floor.

“Oh, Senpai!”

A voice calls from above. I look up to see a beautiful girl with short black hair and wide, round eyes peering down at me.

“Uyama… What a coincidence.”

She waits until I reach the top of the stairs before speaking again. “I was nearby for work, so I stopped by Koyuna-senpai’s place.”

“Got it. Work, huh?”

She gives a wry smile. “The live show at the end of the month is tight to schedule, but I told the agency I want to join. I’m gonna go all out!”

“Nice. I’m rooting for you.”

“Thanks!” Uyama nods, then fidgets, clasping her hands and rubbing her fingers together. “Um, thank you for before. I heard you and Koyuna-senpai did a lot for me.”

“Nah, I didn’t do much.”

“No, no, don’t be modest! Koyuna-senpai was so grateful. She said that video was all thanks to you, Negoro-senpai.”

She was grateful, huh? I’m a little curious about what Makura and Uyama talked about.

Uyama clasps her hands to her chest, eyes sparkling like a prayer answered. “That video was so moving. Senpai, shining in the sunset… It’s a shame I couldn’t perform with her on stage, but hearing her sing again as a fan after so long—it made me so happy. It reminded me how crazy I am about her. I’ve watched it a ton already.”

Looks like Makura and I hit our mark. Hearing it straight from Uyama makes the success feel real.

“Glad to hear it,” I say. “I’ve been rewatching that video a fair bit too.”

Uyama puffs out her chest proudly. “She’s amazing, right? Koyuna-senpai!”

“Yeah, seriously.”

“Meeting her after so long, her visuals are still perfect, flawless… If you let your guard down, she might go somewhere far away, y’know?”

Her cheeky grin catches me off guard. Is she talking about Makura restarting her entertainment career with that video? Or something else…?

As I’m mulling it over, Uyama drops a bomb. “I knew it, but Negoro-senpai, you like Koyuna-senpai, don’t you?”

“H-Huh!?” I stammer, thrown off. “W-Why would you say that?”

“I mean, I heard you came up with the idea, filmed, and edited that video. Making something like that must’ve been tough. And it was super high-quality. You did it without expecting anything in return, right? That’s… y’know, that, isn’t it?”

“…Is it? …No, wait, that’s not it. I mean, it’s not like I could’ve asked anyone else to do it, and there wasn’t anyone to ask. I had to do it. Besides, I decided I’d help Makura out.”

Uyama raises an eyebrow, letting out an “Oh?” at my flustered explanation.

“N-No, that’s not what I meant!” I blurt out.

Did I give her the wrong idea? Ever since summer, Makura’s been my teacher in slacking off, and I’m her student. So naturally, I’d help her when she needs it. That’s just how we are. That’s what I meant, but—

Uyama watches me spiral, her expression calm. “Excuses? Or are you just oblivious? Either way, you won’t catch a legendary idol like that.”

She giggles and spins on her heel. “I’ll come back to hang out! Oh, and please come to my live show, Senpai! See ya!”

With that, Uyama strides off.

I stand there, watching her disappear from the apartment grounds.

…That’s right. Makura really is legendary. Her performance proved it beyond doubt.

The video’s comments said it too—she’s a whirlwind of talent.

I genuinely think she’s incredible.

When I’m with Makura, people—including Uyama just now—sometimes hint I might have feelings for her.

Love or whatever… I’m too inexperienced to grasp those feelings.

All I know is I want to be with her.

I want to keep pushing to stand side by side with Makura, the person I admire.

Shifting my gaze from Uyama’s retreating figure, I head to Makura’s door. When I ring the bell, it swings open instantly.

“Yo, Manamichi-kun!”

As always, Makura’s in pajamas—this time, an adorably elaborate negligee with lace at the collar.

“Hey. Sorry I’m late.”

“Nah, no prob. You just ran into Kuruha-chan, right? What were you talking about?”

Guess she heard our voices from her room.

“N-Nothing much?” I dodge.

Makura leans in, peering at my face. “Hmm? Sounds suspicious. What’s up?”

“No, really, nothing. Just her saying thanks for the video.”

No way I’m telling her Uyama said I like her. I pivot quickly. “H-Hey, wanna play some games for a change? I can stay late tonight!”

I step into the room, sidestepping further questions. Any more probing, and I’m in deep trouble.

I pretend not to notice Makura’s skeptical “Hmmm” as she eyes me.

☆

—Negoro-senpai, you like Koyuna-senpai, don’t you?

Look, I decided I’d help Makura out—

Sorry, Manamichi-kun, but I totally heard everything…

It’s not like I was eavesdropping, okay?

I always linger a bit after seeing someone off before locking the door.

Today, after Kuruha-chan left, I was at the entrance as usual when I caught their voices. They were just loud enough to hear if I listened closely, so I stayed quiet by the door—wait, was that eavesdropping?

Anyway, Kuruha-chan said Manamichi-kun likes me…

She said it, and he denied it but didn’t fully shut it down.

I get why he’d give a vague answer. Our relationship is a bit closer than just friends—kind of its own thing.

Watching Manamichi-kun walk into my room, a warm buzz hums deep inside me.

But what about me?

I know his help this time pushed me forward in a huge way. He supported me completely, and I can’t thank him enough.

But beyond that, there’s another feeling when I think of him.

That soft, fluffy warmth from when we slept side by side. An indescribable comfort.

What is love?

When does it spark? What ignites it?

Does it just happen naturally? Does it grow quietly without you noticing?

Is it simple? Or is it meant to be complex?

I’m too inexperienced to know.

But if I don’t understand, maybe it’s okay to just be honest with my feelings—

Thinking about it makes my heart race, unstoppable.

I almost laugh at myself, unsure what to do.

But right now, there’s a deeply precious emotion in my heart.

Until I can name it clearly, I want to cherish it, hold it close, and keep it safe.