Chapter 8 | Can You Sleep with Me? 

In the dim glow of the darkened room, my smartphone screen casts a harsh light across my face.

I draw a deep breath and tap an app icon I haven’t touched in what feels like forever. The display flares to life, a cascade of text scrolling upward.

A wave of dizziness washes over me. Good thing I’m sprawled across the bed.

Pressing the back of one hand to my forehead, I let my thumb glide over the screen, scrolling almost instinctively.

When was the last time I even opened SNS? Everything feels so distant, yet my body hasn’t forgotten the motions, my fingers navigating with ease. In no time, I land on the page I was searching for.

—And I freeze, stunned by what’s there.

…No way, it’s gotten this bad?

After five minutes of skimming the bare essentials, I press the power button, plunging the screen into darkness. My eyes squeeze shut.

I’ll just sleep now. That’s the plan, but the afterimage of the bright screen lingers behind my eyelids, a flood of words churning in my mind.

This nostalgic ache… I should be grateful I’d somehow buried this feeling.

But, well, I doubt I’ll sleep tonight…

In the stillness of the late hour, with my eyes clamped shut, his voice suddenly drifts back to me.

“—We could stay together forever. I’ll stay by your side, Makura—”

The memory of that night at the ryokan surfaces, sending a flutter through my chest.

For reasons I can’t quite grasp, my eyes sting with the threat of tears, and I bury my face into the pillow.

＊

“Yo. Pajamas again today, huh?”

“Oissu! Naturally, my body’s dedicated to pajamas!”

Today, Makura sported pink pajamas adorned with frilly collars.

Saturdays had become my “congrats for surviving the week” ritual, so I’d been dropping by Makura’s place every weekend afternoon.

“Uyama’s not swinging by, right?”

“Nope, haven’t heard a peep from her.”

“Sweet. Next Saturday’s the mock exam, so I’ll have to skip, but it’s nice we can kick back today.”

The past few weeks had been a whirlwind with Uyama’s frequent visits. Today, we could finally loaf around without a care, diving into games and banter.

But something was off with Makura today.

She kept flubbing her moves in the game. Her responses to my chatter came sluggish. She yawned mid-sentence, and to top it all off, she clonked a glass against her chin while trying to sip water, sending it splashing everywhere.

After mopping up the mess, I found myself studying her profile as she turned back to the TV screen.

“…Hm? What’s up?”

“…That’s my line.”

“Huh?”

“Is something wrong? You seem… off. Not yourself. You were yawning a ton earlier.”

“R-Really?”

Makura slapped her cheeks with both hands, then shook her head like she was trying to rattle something loose.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

“You sure? If there’s anything I can help with, just tell me…”

My concern was genuine as I spoke.

“Thanks, Manamichi-kun.”

“No, you don’t need to thank me… But, y’know, with everything going on lately, you’re probably exhausted.”

“A lot… You mean Kuruha-chan?”

I nodded at Makura’s words.

“Yeah. Her showing up out of nowhere was a lot, huh?”

“Haha, true. I’m happy to see her, though. Her training obsession’s a bit much, but it’s manageable. And for you, Manamichi-kun, it’s eaten into your sloth time, right?”

“Nah, it’s no big deal for me. Plus, I got to see some interesting stuff.”

“Interesting?”

Makura tilted her head, her expression puzzled.

“Yeah. Like you chatting all lively with your close kouhai. Or how you drop the polite speech when she’s around, even with me. Were you trying to seem all dignified in front of her?”

I teased, and her reaction was immediate.

“N-No way! My speech just… shifts naturally. I mean, if both of us were using polite speech with you, it’d feel weird, right? One kouhai character’s enough! I was just being considerate.”

Makura huffed, puffing out her chest with pride.

“Got it, that’s how it was. …If you want, you could just talk casually with me normally, y’know?”

“I know, but… this way of talking with you just feels right.”

“Really? Well, if that’s how it is, fine by me.”

At my words, Makura let out a soft chuckle.

The conversation lulled there. For some reason, Makura was staring at my face.

“…What’s up?”

Suddenly, she started fidgeting, her movements awkward.

“U-Um, you said earlier, right?”

“Hm? Said what?”

Makura’s gaze darted to the floor, her fingers nervously twisting together.

“That… you’d do anything.”

“Anything?”

“Like, if there’s something you could help with, I should say so.”

Did I say “anything”? I don’t recall the exact words, but I meant it in that vein. But… anything? What could she mean…?

“Y-Yeah. What is it? If it’s something I can do…”

I asked, my tone cautious.

Makura, still avoiding my eyes and stealing sideways glances, mumbled softly.

“Um… C-Could you… sleep with me?”

“S-Sleep?”

“Yes…”

“Sleep, as in… on the bed… together!?”

Makura nodded, her head bobbing repeatedly.

“So, um, I haven’t been sleeping well lately…”

“Not sleeping?”

“Yeah. I keep thinking about stuff. When I close my eyes, it all swirls in my head, endlessly… And, remember that time during summer break when we slept together?”

Oh, of course. How could I forget?

That day, Makura had offered me her bed for a nap. When I stirred from sleep, I found her nestled beside me—a so-called cuddle situation.

“Back then, I wasn’t sleeping well at night either. But while we were cuddling, I slept so deeply…” Her voice trailed off, soft and hesitant. “So…”

Now that she mentioned it, I recalled her once saying she relied on medicine to sleep. Yet during that restless phase, cuddling had lulled her into a profound rest.

The answer was clear.

Besides, I had no reason to refuse.

“Got it. Sure. Wanna sleep now?”

Makura’s head snapped up, her eyes wide with surprise, before she dipped into a deep bow. “Thank you! Please!”

“Yeah, alright then.”

I glanced at the bed behind me. Makura rose first, settling on the edge with a soft thud.

“Come here.”

I followed, standing. “We’re sleeping now, right?”

“Yup, exactly. You should take off your socks. Oh, but… can you even sleep? It’s just naptime, so…”

“Well, I’m definitely short on sleep.”

Lately, late nights had been devoured by mock exam prep. Right now, I was wide awake, honestly not feeling the least bit drowsy.

Makura patted the sheets, her gesture inviting. “Use the pillow.”

I climbed onto the bed, scooting toward the wall side. Slipping my phone from my pocket, I lay on my back. The moment my head sank into the pillow, a sweet fragrance drifted up.

“Like this?”

“Yup. Now, Manamichi-kun, face that way.”

“That way?”

Obeying, I turned toward the wall. Yeah, facing away from each other probably felt less awkward.

Or so I thought—

The bed springs creaked as Makura shifted closer. In the next instant, her arm slid around my waist, and a soft warmth pressed firmly against my back.

“Makura-san!?”

“Y-Yes?” Her voice quivered slightly.

“I-Is this cuddling?”

“Yes! Cuddling!”

Apparently, this was exactly what she meant.

So this was cuddling…

I’d been through this before, but in reverse. During summer break, in that one cuddle session, I’d sleepily wrapped my arms around Makura without realizing. She was asleep and unaware, and I’d never breathe a word of it.

But to experience the flipped version now…

Makura held me tightly, her forehead and nose brushing against my shoulder blades. I was so tense I couldn’t move, every sense honed in on the warmth at my back.

Why are girls’ bodies so soft? She looks delicate, yet there’s no trace of bony sharpness.

With one hand, Makura tugged the blanket over us. Our shared warmth quickly turned the space cozy and snug.

She squirmed a bit before settling, while I remained rigid throughout. Her hand gave my shirt one final tug.

“…Goodnight, Manamichi-kun.”

“Yeah, goodnight.”

Enveloped in overwhelming bliss, I closed my eyes.

☆

—I did it.

I really asked him. And we cuddled.

Clinging to Manamichi-kun, my mind buzzes with a whirlwind of thoughts.

I’d considered asking before—like when we talked about napping at my place. But embarrassment and uncertainty had always held me back.

To go from that to this… Was I too bold? He seemed a little freaked out, didn’t he?

Last time we cuddled, he held me so tightly. He was asleep, probably unaware. But I couldn’t forget that closeness.

So I played innocent, acting like this was normal, and snuggled up from behind.

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.

Okay, me, calm down.

Still pressed against Manamichi-kun, I nestle my nose into the blanket, shifting slightly to settle into the sheets.

…It’s warm.

I wonder if Manamichi-kun can sleep.

I’d thought I’d be too nervous to drift off, but surprisingly, that’s not the case. The blanket’s warmth helps, but more than that, an overwhelming sense of safety washes over me. Manamichi-kun’s breathing soon steadies into a rhythmic cadence.

—Goodnight, and thank you.

＊

When I woke, blinding light flooded my vision. I squinted, grimacing.

Oh, right, we’d left the room’s lights on when we slept.

My mind felt strangely clear. How long had I been out?

Pondering this, I slowly opened my eyes and turned my head—

“Morning.”

My heart nearly stopped.

Makura’s large, round eyes gazed at my face from mere inches away.

“M-Morning.”

When we’d fallen asleep, she was hugging me from behind, but at some point, her hold had loosened. And apparently, she’d been studying my face.

“Sleep well?”

“Yup. Thanks to someone’s breathing, I was lulled into a deep sleep too.”

“Sorry. Was my snoring loud?”

“Nuh-uh. Not snoring, just breathing. Very, very calm.”

“I see… How long have you been awake?”

“Just a bit before you woke up. Thanks for the sleeping face feast~”

Makura’s giggle danced in the air, light and teasing.

A flush of embarrassment crept over me as I glanced upward. Lying on my back, I reached overhead, snagging my phone from beside the pillow. The screen blinked to life: 6:10 p.m.

“Whoa, we slept quite a bit for a nap.”

“Haha, feels nice and slothful, doesn’t it?”

Through the gap in the curtains, darkness pressed against the window. Normally, the evening sun would spill through there after a nap.

But if Makura slept well, that’s what counts.

“You mentioned you’ve been having trouble falling asleep lately.”

Still gazing up, I spoke to her.

“Yeah, I did say that.”

Makura rustled, shifting to lie on her back beside me. Her head lifted briefly before settling onto the pillow with a soft thud.

…She’s so close.

Our bodies brushed under the blanket. Thinking calmly, it was kind of a big deal. Yet, somehow, it felt so natural, so comfortable.

Pretending not to notice, I kept the conversation flowing as if this were perfectly ordinary.

“Were you not sleeping at all?”

“Pretty much. I’d finally drift off at dawn, only to be jolted awake by the alarm right after. School, y’know.”

“Got it… Are you feeling okay physically?”

“I’m fine. Back when I was an idol, there were plenty of days with even less sleep.”

“So you got toughened up back then?”

“Yup, yup. I went through special training.”

“Like, ‘Don’t try this at home’ kind of thing?”

“Ahaha!” Makura’s laugh bubbled up. “Oh, and I can’t sleep at night, but I nap a lot in the infirmary when I’m alone.”

“You’re catching up on sleep there? No, that’s not okay!”

“But it’s the infirmary! It’s for sleeping, right?”

“W-Well, sure… No, wait, for you, shouldn’t it be for attending classes?”

“Ahahaha!”

Her laughter rang out again, and her cool toes brushed lightly against the top of my foot as she wiggled them.

“So… the reason you can’t sleep, is it because of Uyama?”

I asked casually, steering the conversation toward something that had been nagging at me.

I wasn’t sure what Makura meant by “lately,” but since the second term started, time had slipped by. Besides school, the only major change I could pinpoint was one thing.

I didn’t know about when she first began living alone, but as far as I knew, Makura’s world had revolved around a tight-knit circle. The sudden arrival of one girl into that space might’ve shaken her more than I realized.

“Hmm, yeah. I’ve had trouble sleeping here and there since school started. But lately, it’s been because I’ve been thinking about Kuruha-chan.”

“I figured…”

“Yup… There’s something I want you to see, Manamichi-kun.”

“What’s that?”

I tilted my head, curious.

Makura reached for her phone at the bed’s edge. With a few taps, she held it out to me.

It was an SNS app.

“…The Seven Little Elves?”

It was the account for the idol group Makura used to be part of.

“Yeah. Take a look.”

I focused on the screen as Makura held it steady.

“…Huh, a break?”

The post caught me off guard.

It announced that member Momomori Kuruha would miss an event due to poor health. Makura scrolled with her thumb, revealing more posts with similar notices about Uyama.

“So… she’s been taking breaks from work here and there for a while?”

“Yes. It seems like it’s not every job, though.”

“I see… So she’s been skipping work to come hang out here?”

“I didn’t notice. Well, she comes over so often, I thought it was odd and asked her once. She said she prioritizes work on weekdays, but…”

Now that she mentioned it, I recalled her saying something like that. But in reality, she’d been taking time off.

Makura turned off the phone screen and continued, her voice quieter. “After quitting being an idol, I avoided looking at SNS. So I didn’t notice this situation for a while. I felt something was off with Kuruha-chan, but… I finally mustered the courage to check the group’s official account last night. That’s when I found out.”

Uyama had been taking breaks from her idol group activities. That was the reality, for now. And the reason was likely tied to what she’d hinted at when we talked before.

“If only I’d listened to her properly…”

Makura’s murmur was barely audible.

“What do you mean?”

“Kuruha-chan came to see me, like she wanted to talk about something. But maybe out of consideration for my own circumstances, she didn’t say anything in the end. She’s such a kind girl…”

She’d noticed that much.

“I should’ve asked her myself. But I kept thinking, what if it’s related to me quitting the group? Or that there’s nothing someone like me, who ran away from being an idol, could do.”

“So that’s how it was…”

Since Uyama started visiting, Makura had been agonizing over it—so much that it stole her sleep. Yet she didn’t seem to fully grasp why Uyama kept coming.

Hoping to find some way to help, I pressed a bit further. “The other day, after we hung out here, I talked with Uyama a bit on the way home.”

“Huh? Really?”

“Yeah, she suddenly called out to me from behind. Anyway, I heard some stuff about the past. Seems like Uyama really looked up to you.”

“What, you talked about that?”

“Yeah. She said she was a fan of Kamakura Koyuna from the start.”

“Right, right. She was my fan at first— Oh, we talked about this before meeting Kuruha-chan, didn’t we?”

“After buying ice cream at the convenience store, yeah. Right before we met Uyama.”

“That was such a surprise.”

Makura’s soft chuckle filled the quiet space between us.

I didn’t expect my next words to shift the air so sharply.

“She also told me what inspired her to aim to be an idol. It was because you told her to ‘work hard.’ That you said, ‘Only those who work hard can become idols.’”

Makura’s response fell silent.

I turned my head and saw her staring at the ceiling, her expression grim, eyes narrowed.

“Work hard, huh?”

Her murmured words lingered heavily in the room.

“Such irresponsible words. I want to apologize…”

Her voice carried a weight of regret, tinged with quiet pain.

“What do you mean…?”

From what I’d heard secondhand, Makura’s words to Uyama didn’t seem strange.

“Work hard…”

“Manamichi-kun, you heard a lot from Kuruha-chan, right?”

“Y-Yeah. Well, mostly about herself.”

“I see… Then, will you listen to my story too?”

Makura turned to face me. Her bangs shifted naturally with the motion, and our eyes met.

“Of course. Will you tell me?”

At my answer, Makura’s gaze drifted back to the ceiling, and she began speaking, her words slow and deliberate.

“I was just an idol fan at first too. The difference with Kuruha-chan is that I decided on my own that I wanted to do it and started aiming to be an idol. I’d always loved singing and dancing, and I was convinced that was my calling.”

It was a glimpse into Makura’s life before becoming an idol—something she’d never shared with me before.

“I was maybe in third grade? We weren’t a wealthy family, so I started practicing dance and singing on my own. I’d watch videos on my parents’ phone, memorizing choreography and lyrics.”

“Wow, from such a young age?”

“Yup. I’d dance around in our tiny apartment, getting scolded for kicking up dust!”

Makura’s tone warmed, as if the memory brought a smile to her heart.

“My efforts were finally acknowledged when I was in upper elementary school. Acknowledged by my family, I mean. For Christmas, they let me attend a dance school as a gift. I went to vocal training too. I studied hard, polishing my performance, believing it would absolutely be useful someday. I paused learning idol song choreographies to focus on building a solid dance foundation.”

Uyama had said it: Makura’s looks, voice, and dance performance made her the best active idol.

That was the fruit of her efforts, nurtured since childhood.

“In middle school, I joined an agency and started as an underground idol. At first, it wasn’t called ‘Seven Little Elves,’ and we were just a small three-member group. Early on, we did everything we could to gain fans. If I could catch someone’s eye, it’d bring more fans to the group. I was the youngest, but I decided to work harder than anyone, playing the ideal idol for each fan to win them over. Back in the underground days, we were so close to the audience, so I could do that.”

I couldn’t even fathom the life she’d lived. The Makura lying beside me suddenly felt worlds away.

“Around then, people started telling me to ‘work hard’ more often. I believed effort was the most important thing. I gave it my all.”

“Those must’ve been tough days…”

“Yeah. But in the end, it was all for nothing. I quit everything.”

Makura let out a self-deprecating chuckle.

I remembered her once saying, “You don’t have to work hard.” It was a sentiment born from her own experience. Truly, pushing yourself too hard could break you. Everything could crumble to nothing.

Before Makura realized this herself, the “work hard” she told her fan Uyama—the idea that only those who work hard can become idols—might not have been light words. She knew the weight of true effort, built up since childhood. The phrase “work hard a lot” must have carried a different gravity. Only those who push endlessly to their limits can become idols.

Makura now regretted those words as irresponsible.

But, I thought—

Uyama overcame the weight of those words and became an idol.

“…Uyama was grateful, y’know.”

Makura let out a short “Huh?”

Recalling that night in the dim parking lot, I chose my words carefully.

“She said she was glad you told her to ‘work hard.’ That it let her see amazing sights.”

I heard Makura catch her breath.

“It’s true that one fan found a dream because of you and made it come true. Uyama called the sights she saw as an idol treasures of her life.”

“…Really?”

“Yeah.”

“…I see. That’s… good, then.”

Makura slowly sat up on the bed. I followed, propping myself up.

Her expression seemed to soften just a fraction, as if a small weight had lifted from her shoulders.

“I’m grateful to Kuruha-chan too.”

“Oh?”

“Back when I was still an underground idol, there was this girl who sent me tons of supportive messages on SNS. Every time I posted something, she’d react, get surprised, cheer, and encourage me. I thought she was my age or older, so I was shocked to learn the elementary schooler who came to that live was her. After Kuruha-chan debuted, she told me directly that it was her account.”

“Wow, you and Uyama had that kind of connection?”

“Yup. It helped me a lot. During tough times with few fans, there was a period when I worked hard to be cheered on by her. I wanted to show her venues filling up, share photos, and celebrate together. Back then, that was really my only focus for effort.”

Makura pulled the pillow close, hugging it and resting her chin on it, a nostalgic smile tugging at her lips.

“I feel responsible for pulling her into this world… If Kuruha-chan is lost or stuck right now, I want to help however I can.”

Her words sparked a restless urge within me.

I wanted to do something for them too.

And I had a hint about what that could be.

Judging it was the right moment, I spoke. “Uyama said she wants to see you shine again, even just once. That it could be a guide for her to keep going.”

The reason Uyama kept visiting Makura. The struggles she was facing. That was likely why she’d been taking breaks from work.

I laid it all out for Makura.

I planned to leave the decision to her. Compared to their deep, shared history, I was practically an outsider.

But I wanted to help.

Makura’s answer came swiftly.

“Is there… some way, Manamichi-kun?”

I met her eyes and nodded.

“Let me think about it with you—”